Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
There's always time for handjobs
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize