I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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