dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
