States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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