Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
