If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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