New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
