drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
