I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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