you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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