PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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