I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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