Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
