We're facebook friends in real life
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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