I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
