Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
