1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
