And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
