I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
