it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
