Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
