Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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