I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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