i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
