your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Need sex. Gaining weight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
