Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
