HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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