My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
