Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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