fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
