how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
