also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
