im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
