you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just tell him i said nine months
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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