yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
