everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
