i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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