I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
