Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
