Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
