Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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