The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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