If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
