its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
