After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
