I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize