Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
