i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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