went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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