Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
