As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
