i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
