Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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