I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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