Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
