Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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