All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
