i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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