i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
