I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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