using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
