Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
