i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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