Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
