I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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