I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
not ubering you a puppy
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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