Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
