i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can text with my tongue
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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