apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
