the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
organizing the empties. That sober.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
