sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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