It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
