Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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