This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
