i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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