sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
