i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
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Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
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they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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