We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
