And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
