someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
