She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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