Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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